The Solitary

In the Bohemian Animal Tarot the hermit is renamed the solitary. This card represents me more in the modified term. I don’t know any modern day hermits living in desert huts but plenty of people live solitary lives right in the middle of our communities. The old who have no one to check on them, the Other, people don’t identify with and cross the street to avoid them, the homeless, down on their luck, who people pretend not to see. Those who function in the accepted social manner leave those of us not fitting the right dimensions more space than … Continue reading The Solitary

Open Response to Kayne West’s Tweets on Mental Illness

No one would ever choose to end up in a mental hospital and diagnosed with a mental disorder but god chose me to publicly go through this journey and it is beautiful — ye (@kanyewest) December 15, 2018 Please show me the beauty. Please. I need to see this beauty. Or to at least believe this beauty you speak of exists. I suffer from Generalised Panic Disorder, Panic Attack Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Agoraphobia. It’s been forty years. I was five the first time I remember having a panic attack. I was at school. Have you … Continue reading Open Response to Kayne West’s Tweets on Mental Illness

Is 45 too late for a career?

I had a dream, back in high school. I would graduate. I would get a job. I would study. I would buy a car. I would leave home. I would have a career. I woke up at 45 and realised I’ve graduated more times than I like to admit. I’ve been on disability since I graduated high school. I have a twenty-year-old Lancer in my driveway and P platers drive newer cars than me. I’m still waiting on that career. It might be too late for a career. * It’s hard to get ahead in this world when you’ve been … Continue reading Is 45 too late for a career?

Being Vulnerable & Wearing Masks

I’ve become hyper aware that my writing life and real day-to-day life have hit a impasse that has never been apparent to me before. I love learning more about myself though writing and learning more about the world I inhabit. In wiring memoir, the author, through her character self, is required to come across as a reliable narrator in the telling of her/his life. Of course, it’s a life the author picked apart so as to choose the parts that make for an interesting tale, yet still rings true for the reader. The narrative needs to both bare the soul … Continue reading Being Vulnerable & Wearing Masks

Throwing Shade on Memories

This week has really thrown my writing habit out of whack. We had some unexpected news, and it was family news that needed to be relayed to people who are not really in my life anymore but are very much a part of the manuscript I am currently working on. I’d managed to dig down deep and find the good times with someone that was important to my story. I was just getting a bit of a happy glow going over the good times we shared when the news had to be shared. I volunteered seeing as I was feeling … Continue reading Throwing Shade on Memories

Confrontations

Once upon a time, a young woman use to stand up for herself. Unfortunately she would do so even when the threat was only a perceived one. Eventually she worked out this only escalated her anxiety levels. Now she sits with that dodgy purchase she made, and contemplates ways to justify wasting the money, to write it off as just one of those things that happen to people. Back to her writing project she wonders why she chose to write in memoir when she gets to one of those key scenes that she cannot work her way around, they have … Continue reading Confrontations

Ghost Cat

(In honour of one year without a dear furry friend.) Last night ghost cat passed through the living room. My husband felt the air around his ankles alter just enough to accommodate the passing of a mid sized feline, just as he’d felt every night for fourteen years until a year ago. I read an article on pet grief that classified animals as spiritual and claimed they stayed with us for a full year after death. I know better than to believe everything that I read on the Internet. He was not a particularly smart cat and I cannot see … Continue reading Ghost Cat